The wildly exaggerated misdirection and
unquoteable ultimate truth of the
SURVIVAL GUIDE
2025 Framboise Reunion
Anyone can find Framboise on the map..
But what happens if you actually get there?
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Didn't think that far ahead, did you?
Oh.. It looks majestic in the pictures alright, they say everyone's so nice, the food's amazing..
..What could possibly go wrong?
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And the simple answer to that is:
/Everything/.
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Not to worry, friend.. but listen up:
..This might save your life one day..
Where is Framboise?
More like "what" is Framboise..
Framboise is located on one of the last untouched areas on the south east coast of Cape Breton Island, approximately 100 km north up the Feu de Lis Trail from Port Hawksbury, through L'ardoise, Grand River, and Saint Esprit.
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Save your maps, cell service is poor.
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Which is to say, you need to have any cell service for it to be poor, and when I said save your maps, I meant to say better brush up on your astronomy because you might need to know which one's the North Star.​
Extremely Extra Conditions
While beautiful and majestic, coastal weather can turn suddenly torrential.
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One minute blue skies and sunshine, next minute tied up in insurance repairs for years and you still don't know where the BBQ landed.
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When, not if, Poseidon makes landfall, follow these three simple steps, and you might be fine.
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1) Put the soup on.
2) Tie down your wind chimes
3) Pray.
Bottomless Hedge Forests
​The forests are enchanted, but there're coyotes in there. Stay Alert. Mind your bearings in the woods, it's easy to get disoriented, and lost.
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Everyone loves foraging for chantarelle mushrooms and blue berries, despite whatever untold horrors await you in the woods.. You could be swallowed whole in the tall grass just bending down to tie your shoes.
So remember to use the buddy system!​​​​​​​
Also, Make sure you tell someone the general area you're heading before leaving. It's more of a courtesy to the search and rescue teams, they really appreciate that.
Bring literally /everything/
Think you don't need it?
Bring all of them, it won't matter.
You still don't have enough.
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Framboise will chew through your first aid kit, spare tires, sun glasses, steal toes, tool boxes, rip your lawn up, reset your GPS settings and change the voice to Sean Connery's.
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Got preserves? Rations? Extra socks?
High protein anything? Sun screen? Enough bug dope to get flagged by the DNR? Alibi? ..better make sure ya got one of those kicking around..
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Framboise takes pictures,
not prisoners.
Road Conditions: Very
The road conditions can suddenly change on the way to Framboise.
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Washouts from flash flooding, downed power lines, sudden storm conditions, and kamikaze road rabbits diving into your lane are just some of the hazards to be weary of on these twisting backroads.
The ditches got ditches out here, please drive with care.
Report All Sightings
In the summer of 2010, two cousins in the Framboise area reported a [REDACTED] moving quickly through the brush of the [REDACTED] and crossing the field of debris.
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Local news stations picked up the story, and shortly after, teams of cryptozoologists established facilities across Cape Breton Island to continue research into this phenomenon.
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Since the initial report, thousands of witnesses have come forward, creating an incredible volume of hard evidence and documentation.
To support the initiative, report all sightings to the nearest research outpost.
